Funny this and that.

Yesterday, the kids were cleaning up the toys and Alexander was in the process of putting the last bin on the shelf. Crowded and overflowing with toys, he was smashing a princess crown down on the top to fit the bin into the shelf.

I was repeatedly asking/telling/instructing him to stop for a minute to no avail. So, I yelled at him. "ALEXANDER! JUST WAIT!"

Alexander: [stops and looks up with swelling doe eyes]
Me: [normal voice now] When I ask you to stop, you need to stop.

Alexander: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! [commence bawling]
Me: [sigh] Okay, look. See the crown? It can't fit and needs to go in a different bin.
Alexander: BBAAAAAHHHHHHH HAAAAA baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Me: Okay, why are you crying so much?
Alexander: Cus' I don't like being yelled at.
Me: I am sorry, but you weren't hearing me until I yelled.

Alexander: sniffle, sniffle, baaaahhhh, sniffle
Me: Hmmmm... perhaps we need a code word. A funny word that I can use when your ears aren't turned on. If I say that word, then you will stop what you are doing and listen.

Alexander: Ooookkkaaay. What word?
Me: How about "Abracadabra?"
Alexander: Nah.

Me: How about "Barracuda?"
Alexander: Nah.

Me: How about, uhhhhh, "Chi Chi Rodriguez?"
Alexander: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! YES! That is the funniest thing I have ever heard.

Seriously, that is a direct quote. How hilarious!

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This morning at breakfast, CJ was telling knock-knock jokes. They aren't funny, but we laugh because she is trying and it's cute. But today, she made me laugh so hard I started to cry.

CJ: Knock-knock.
Me: Who's there?

CJ: Chicken
Me: Chicken who?

CJ: Chicken you didn't know.
Me: HA ha ha.

CJ: Knock-knock
Me: Who's there?

CJ: Chicken
Me: Chicken butt!
CJ: Ha HA HA! Yes! You guessed it.

CJ: Knock-knock
Me: Who's there?

CJ: Fuck
Me: [coffee down, paper down, double-take]
I'm sorry, what?????

CJ: [with a face that says: Why aren't you listening? urrggh.]
FFFFUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!
Me: [Paper covers face and I laugh histerically for a few moments. Then I catch my breath, smile and say:]
mumble, mumble who?

CJ: Joe and Moe the goats!!
Me: Ha ha ha ha!!!

I wish that I could've captured on film the face of this 3 year old sitting pretty in her flowery summer dress at the breakfast table looking at her mother with such contempt for not hearing her joke that she raised her voice, leaned forward and practically spit the word "fuck" in my face. This will no doubt be the last time I will ever think that it is funny. But today, it certainly was!